Groups for a Season - G4S - Tips of the Week

Helping the Needy Member

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Neediness
Groups exist to do life together, which includes helping one another during times of need. When members can lean into one another during seasons of need-engaging in the giving and receiving of care-the group is growing healthily. But sometimes, individuals exhibit unhealthy patterns of neediness.

Signs of Unhealthy Neediness
§ Taking up too much group time
§ Constant crises that never get resolved
§ Emotional dependency that the group can't meet
§ Inability to be comforted
§ Not taking group advice
§ Seeing the group as "not enough"

Tips for Helping the Needy Member
§ Encourage next steps. If a needy member is able to affirm the help your group is offering, but fails to follow through with suggestions, challenge her to set small goals of action, to be reported to the group the following week.

§ Provide a time limit. Sometimes a person in need cannot set aside their own pain to allow other group members to engage in group time. If a needy member is monopolizing your group, make a process statement ahead of time, to set expectations: "Gail, so that everyone will have an opportunity to both give and receive from group tonight, do I have your permission to let you know when it is time to let someone else share?"

§ When the need is too great. . . If you have a member whose life patterns or circumstances require more help than a group can provide, talk with your Community Leader or AP about how to best help this person without sacrificing the health of your group.

§ Warm up the cold group. Some people don't have a wealth of natural care-giving skills, making any needs-even reasonable ones-feel "needy" to them. When a legitimate need is expressed, affirm the validity of the need, then coach the other members to stretch their care-giving muscles by suggesting practical ways they can help meet that need.